Dear Abby: One of my close friends was not well. She met me after seeing her doctor for a full day’s test, and I listened to her concerns.
Before I could stop myself, I said, “God, I hope you don’t have cancer!”
She got very upset with my comment and made me feel guilty for even mentioning it. While I meant my comment to be more caring than harsh, it backfired.
Cancer is so prevalent in today’s society, when is it okay to talk about it? Is this something we only discuss after a thorough diagnosis?
I’m sorry for my words, and I need to know how I can be a more caring, supportive friend.
oops, in florida
Dear Oops: Cancer, like other diseases that can be fatal, should be discussed if and when the person is diagnosed, reveals it and feels the need to discuss it.
Dear Abby: I broke up with my boyfriend a few months ago, but I’m still having a hard time recovering from him.
I learned that he was responding to sexual messages from men and sending them pictures of himself, including his own body parts.
I think it’s the biggest betrayal any woman can experience, and it’s hard to keep the truth from our mutual friends. When people ask me what caused the breakup, I have to deny the truth and tell them that we just broke up.
Now I wonder if he ever loved me or was he just using me because I was the earner while I was at home. I keep wondering if he claimed to be at the gym all the time, was he really there? Please help me.
broken dignity in california
Dear Broken: Your boyfriend wasn’t honest about the fact that he was bisexual and being unfaithful was, in fact, unfaithful. I also agree that the amount of time he claimed to be “in the gym” was possible With “Jim.” That you supported him financially while he involved himself with others – regardless of their gender – was another betrayal.
You should be on your knees thanking your Higher Power, you learned what was going on before you wasted too much time (or money) on it. Quit covering up for what happened by lying to your friends about it. You are not the first woman to fall for a cheater and you will not be the last.
P.S. If you haven’t contacted your doctor to get tested for STDs, now is the time.
Dear Abby: I have been married to a wonderful man for 46 years. The only disagreement between us during this time is about my hairstyle.
Growing up, I had curly hair, for which I was bullied and teased. When I straighten it I feel safe and secure. He loves it curly.
I feel insecure and sad when I try to please him. Because I feel so much better with straight hair, I don’t think I can respect their wishes.
This may seem minor to some people, but it is a major problem in our household. I would appreciate your advice.
“Don’t Hair” from the West
Dear “don’t do hair”: My advice is, be true to yourself. If you feel sad and insecure with curly hair, you shouldn’t feel compelled to wear it that way. This is your head and your feelings, and your husband has to adjust and accept it.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail van Buren, also known as Jean Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.