My big sister syndrome has taken a lot of conversation on Twitter and TikTok for a month, and even if you haven’t heard it, it’s easy to guess what it means… especially if you’re female, have one or more siblings. small and none greater than you. This is my case, and to confess the truth, the eldest daughter, usually the care of my sister, paving the way for her for more than twenty years – from the time she was born, until I stopped living with her and stopped. my parents A duty that, in certain circumstances, can foster the older sister syndrome in adulthood; It’s proven that bad times don’t make you stronger, but they do. With the help of human behavior expert, coach and mentor for executives and organizational leaders Inma Bianchini, we researched it.
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As an older sister I remember taking care of the little one in the house since he was a baby (although we are only two years apart); My parents have been counting my care since the girl was born. This face was maintained throughout our lives, when we both went out late on the weekends if we were – and they went back together; A privilege among so many others that I had to fight for and that was simply inherited, like having my own mobile phone, receiving a salary or spending the night away from home. For more than two decades, I have grown up with the approval of my elders, who always congratulated me for being so good, responsible, organized and smart. Did my big sister develop the syndrome at the time? I’m not sure, although I know I share many of his characteristics.
What is the big sister syndrome?
“This syndrome corresponds to early maturity,” Inma Bianchini begins to explain. In that opinion, it includes “certain characteristics, features, characteristics and behaviors, the consequences of that early maturity through the pressure to meet family expectations, which must be taken care of. Help their little brothers with things around the house, family duties, even financial…”.
The expert believes that there are two key factors for Urguere’s older sister syndrome. First of all, “the immaturity of the parents and their inability to respond as an adult figure in the family context, delegating emotional responsibilities to their children or the very structures of the family, which do not respond to their roles as children or age.” Secondly, the coach also highlights the fact that it has been observed that “some parents prepare their older children – especially daughters – to be caregivers in old age, too dependent on relationships and with some emotional manipulation”.
This is directly related to the tendency to talk about this syndrome in women. In the words of Inma Bianchini, “it is a matter of culture and education: more pressure is placed on women in terms of domestic care, household chores, the responsibility of siblings… But in fact it also affects children when, for example, immature women become codependent on their children after separation, or they do not have a partner, they put too much emotion in their children or they create harmful bonds.
How to know if it
“These people are too responsible, perfectionist and self-critical; their needs in perspective, sacrifice and the difficulty of establishing limits”, points out Bianchin. He believes that “every person is different and has very different characteristics according to their own interpretation of what happened in the child. However, perhaps the highest sacrifice or always putting yourself second can be one of the main characteristics.”
How can we detect what we are suffering from? “Exhaustion, feeling tired, is already an indication. First of all, it has to be studied, to observe manners, balance in relationships … feelings are always indicative; secondly, its history, like the viewer of a movie. But sometimes it is important to see your life as the director of a movie, not as first, because it gives you a broader and more objective vision”, the coach maintains.
How to manage and overcome big sister syndrome
“Each step is to learn to set limits and say “no”; not only to others, but also to ourselves. The most difficult thing is to overcome that internal dialogue that makes us inadequate and thinks that we don’t like it if we say “no”. to establish physical and emotional well-being, it expresses that more easily, “says the expert of human behavior. On the contrary, in some cases it is useful “to seek the help of a therapist to work on self-esteem, stress management, self-concept and the limiting beliefs that we have developed for this reason”, adds Bianchini.
By Ana Perez Salazar