Part of this article on “dry dating” was originally published under the title Sober Dating in British GQ.
After the first Christmas after the pandemic did not stop, I know that everyone participated in a dry January this year. I did too much, and it was a long break from the alcoholic that I started drinking. Unfortunately, everything they say is true: I felt healthier, I slept better, and one Saturday I even looked at nine o’clock in the morning.
But I’m not just talking about my social circle. An estimated nineteen million people in the UK start drinking alcohol in the first month of the year and, based on previous research, 70% continue to drink more soberly after six months. I can count on the fingers of one hand the times I’ve been taken since January. But some of my friends have given it all up. The same is true on TikTok, where many users are jumping, more regularly than usual, for going out for coffee with friends instead of going out at night. There is a curious sober age and, according to statistics, young people are leading the way.
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According to Tinder Spain, which also echoed the dry dating trend, more than 25% of the members of the dating application between the ages of 18 and 25 say that they drink less in times compared to last year. And 72% say they drink sometimes or not at all.
Since this demographic is also the most prolific in dating apps, it makes sense that alcohol-free time is on the rise. The #SoberDating hashtag on TikTok has over four million views. In fact, a new study from the famous angelic diamond necklaces has revealed that the non-alcoholic brand is the 10 most important brand for 2023. On the other hand, “morning light” ranks eighth on the list, and early days to go. coffee or running, another example of creative people gets when to find an alternative to non-alcoholic days.
However, as more and more people experience sobriety, the culture around drinking and binge drinking has long been changing. Having a drink is still a deeply ingrained tradition in these situations. For he who is sober from the drinks of the question, is not always well. For others, without the alcohol boost, a day at the bar can feel more amazing. What are there?
“At first I didn’t know what to do with myself or with others without alcohol, which I guess says a lot about my problem and the alcohol culture in general,” says Ian, 30, who stopped drinking three years ago. “But there are other things in life besides drinking. My partner and I still go out for dinner, but now he goes for the food, not the drink. We go on morning hikes together, something we’ve never done with a hangover. We go to the market and you go to the market.”
Marleigh, 31, also sober for three years, took a similar approach: “Now I feel like doing a lot more activities, like going to an exhibition, trying a new restaurant, going to the flea market or going for a nice walk. Now my partner and I went on the first day safely.’
“My partner and I still go out to dinner, but now we go for food, not drinks. We go on morning hikes together, because we’ve never been hungry in our days.”
Others, like 27-year-old Nico, who stopped drinking two and a half years ago, continue to enjoy pub days, even without alcohol. Nico doesn’t like to drink his day, and while his sobriety makes a big problem: “I prefer people to drink than not to drink “from the union. “.
Hosted work can help keep the conversation flowing and people out of the given drinking environment, but it doesn’t always eliminate the issues and potential incompetence that unfortunately often arise when someone shows up to be teetotal. In general, he is quite abrupt with his answers, explains Nico. “They often ask you directly: ‘Do you have a drinking problem? Do you have problems?’. It’s more curiosity than rusticity, but the end result doesn’t sit well.”
Both Nico and Marleigh say that people’s emotions are a useful filter and they encourage them to be more selective about who they point out: “If it’s the main point of conversation for someone after “Hi, what are you doing?” drinking plays a huge role in their life, which is great, but probably not we’re going to hit him well in the long run,” said Marleigh.
Not drinking alcohol has also helped Marleigh’s goals when it comes to sex, which was echoed by Lily, a 26-year-old from London who recently gave up drinking for a year. “I became a teetotaler in my life where I was trying to prove that I was queer, and I was sleeping with everyone who wanted to do it with me, but it wasn’t good sex, it wasn’t allowed.” says. “Sobriety helped me to stop and reassess if I was really enjoying it, or if there was something that also made me sad.” Lily says being sober has also helped her to discern what situations she is comfortable with and what isn’t, even what her pain threshold is when practicing BDSM: “When you’re sober you have to be there. It also allows you to be more in the moment and to see more easily what turns you on.”
The same goes for relationships. Ian has been with his partner for more than a decade, so when he stopped drinking, he took some adjusting to it: “It’s easy to become partners in a relationship with drinking, but eliminating alcohol in such a situation is really necessary. “a decline in concentration,” he said. “You can’t just rely on drunks to start conversations and promote intimacy.”
Dru Jaeger, author of How to Be a Mindful Drinker and co-founder of Club Soda, has some advice for people starting their alcohol or quit journey. “There are a lot of people with drinks in their hands in their profile pictures on the dating app, you put pictures that reflect who you are and what you’re interested in,” he said. “Many dating websites and apps ask about drinking habits. Often these questions can be used as a filter. If you want to connect with someone who drinks little or nothing, say so.”
“Remember not to tell anyone why you don’t drink,” he said. “It’s good to look for something non-alcoholic and then change the subject. If they don’t look at the choice, they lose it.
None of these will tend to say: the adaptation will be too difficult, and getting something will take some getting used to. But as Nico says, “With time and work, you’ll find a sober, drunk, fun version of yourself.” Also, you can always find good bars.
Ideas for first dates without alcohol
From Tinder Spain they also think that in dating without alcohol, the eyes and mind are sharpened, so that we can detect the red flags “match” much faster. Here are some strategies that are becoming more common in the application process.
Drink coffee
Do you know the best coffee in town? Then show your favorite coffee shop date! Interest in the world of coffee has grown more than 20% among Tinder members since last year, and the meeting for a walk is growing up to 6%.
exercise together
Starting with the usual matching move you only do twice if the company. Present your ‘match’ for the coming season, which combines sport and nature. Playing sports has a double reward: not only do you improve your physical condition, but while exercising together, you release endorphins that make you happier and strengthen the bond much faster.
drink shot
In case you didn’t know, they are the latest trend and are now available in several trendy bars. In addition to being healthier, not everyone liked it. Invite your ‘insert’ to try the variety of flavors that the cocktail can offer and share your experience at a time when the flavor is not lacking.
Bet on culture
One in five Tinder members inadvertently join a culture-related day, such as visiting a new museum. These types of views not only enrich our education and common culture, but also generate a large number of conversations.
to a good restaurant
It is very possible that your match is already at many restaurants for lunch on the first day… Put something different! Have you ever heard that breakfast is the most important meal of the day? Start your day by enjoying the best brunches in town and find out if your day is more sweet or salty.
