Dear Harriet: I have a roommate with my boyfriend Wonderful Beautiful girlfriend who is always at home. She is at home even when her boyfriend is not there.
I’m afraid to admit that it makes me uncomfortable. She and my boyfriend are very friendly with each other, and I wish she would go only when her boyfriend is there.
what can i do?
Dear Uncomfortable: What a strange situation to be in. For the most part you have no control, nor does your boyfriend. And he is in a vulnerable position.
Now, the truth of the matter is, this woman’s beauty should not be a reason to promote infidelity. However, his continued presence may prove discouraging.
Do you have any reason to believe that your boyfriend is romantically interested in this woman? If not, don’t put the idea in his head.
You might ask why is she in the house when she doesn’t have a boyfriend. It’s a classic challenge for roommates – figuring out the limits of being at a friend’s house, including boyfriends and girlfriends, when you’re not. Your boyfriend can legitimately address this with his roommate.
tread lightly. Resist jealousy or bullying from this woman. He is a person just like you. Do not make him sit on the seat.
Encourage your boyfriend to establish ground rules in his apartment that address guests, housekeeping duties, etc. so that he and his roommates can agree on how they will live there. Don’t worry about him. Assume positive until proven otherwise.
Dear Harriet: I let my daughter’s best friend stay with us for her final semester of college. The agreement was that she would pay $300 a month to rent our upstairs guest room until we graduated. After graduation, there were plans for her to move back to the West Coast with her family.
It’s been a month now that she graduated, and she’s not taking any big steps to get out.
Glad to have her here, but her school is over, and even my own daughter has moved out, so it makes little sense that she’s staying here. How do I gently tell her that her time is up?
time to go
Dear time to go: It is up to you. You should have talked to him about his exit strategy before this moment. Obviously, she feels comfortable and safe in your home. Unless you do this, she will never be able to move.
There is a simple solution to this problem. Sit with this girl. Remind her that the terms you agreed to when she left have come to a conclusion, and it is time to move on from them. Point out that her friend, your daughter, is gone, and she should do the same. Ask him why he hasn’t left yet. Find out if he’s experiencing any issues that may need addressing. Be kind and empathetic but clear.
Give him a deadline for when he must leave, and encourage him to meet that deadline on a regular basis.
Harriet Cole is a lifestyleist and the founder of DreamLeapers, an initiative to help people reach and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or Andrews McMichael Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.