Amy and Frank go on a date via an app with 99.8% certainty that it will work. A virtual simulation and an algorithm predicted it. We don’t know and we will never know if this date ends in a romantic tale. episode of black Mirror That’s where this pairing of stars ends. The science fiction series that imagines a future with a great presence of technology explores in this chapter how it interferes with the search for love. Will it come to that? Can love be predicted? Or, as the poet Gustavo Adolfo Becker said: “Love is a mystery. Everything in it has events that are more inexplicable; Everything in him is illogical, everything in him is obscure and absurd”?
Today the number of people you can meet has increased a lot because of dating apps. From a practical perspective, guaranteeing that the courtship can work is a way to optimize timing and avoid disappointment. That’s why it seems logical to find the formula of love.
But this is nothing new, more than 20 years ago American psychologist Arthur Aron defined 36 questions to make two people fall in love and a television program put them to the test with apparently good results. The key is to accelerate the process that leads to the sharing of intimate aspects and for this the questions framed by Aron progressively probe personal and emotional issues, insecurities, fears, doubts and certainties. According to Mandy Lane Catron in her essay, shared vulnerability generates closeness How to fall in love with anyone by adopting these measures,
More recently, dating app Badoo designed a test to check your pre-dating chemistry. It’s about asking the other person what caught their attention about their own profile, taking an interest in them, asking them questions to spark conversation; ask him for advice; Talk about successes and failures or end in a telephone conversation in which listening to voices builds an already closer rapport.
There is no data on whether it works or not, but certainly more than one and more than two would be encouraged to follow the guide, especially taking into account the difficulty that new flirting applications face exists to start conversations (57% of people who are daters find it difficult to know what questions to ask when they start talking to someone in an application, Badu herself explains in the article 6 questions to ask your match before going on a date [Preguntas qué hacer a un ‘match’ antes de ir a una cita, por su traducción en español],
from falling in love to loving
like in the episode black Mirror, we do not know what happens after those first questions after which an approach is obtained. It is possible to fall in love in the beginning, but there is one more step you have to take for love to emerge from there.
Falling in love, as defined in the article by Cholliz, M. and Gomez C. Social Emotions: Infatuation, Envy, Jealousy, and Sympathy is: “an emotional outburst that is accompanied by mental cloudiness, enthusiasm, and a desire to connect with another person.” It is caused by a mixture of physical attraction, closeness, similarity in behaviour, values, beliefs and reciprocity. This infatuation with the other person makes us idealize them on many occasions. Love will come when you drop down to reality and yet, the interest will be there. It is a softer feeling and also more stable.
American psychologist Robert Sternberg defines love according to three criteria: intimacy, passion, and commitment. Intimacy is closeness, a desire to share, give and receive. Passion is sexual desire as well as physical attraction. Commitment is the decision to maintain that relationship. According to this triangular theory, one or the other type of love is defined depending on the amount of each of these three elements present in the relationship. Falling in love is when there is intimacy and passion above all else. Love will be a balance between the three factors.
science of love
Another issue that has attracted attention regarding love is objectively understanding why it happens. To do this, neurological studies have been conducted that analyze which parts of the brain are active at different stages. In the review of articles on the subject collected in the magazine scienceTopic neurobiology of love (the neurobiology of love, It has been described that love “activates specific regions rich in oxytocin and vasopressin receptors and, at the same time, deactivates a set of regions associated with negative emotions, social judgment, and evaluation of other people’s intentions and feelings”. That is, falling in love activates the reward circuit when you are with that person while critical social evaluations and negative emotions are deactivated. It is understandable, then, the mental clouding and euphoria experienced in those moments.
On the other hand, besides Sternberg, there are other validated psychological scales that try to measure the type of love that exists between two people. These questionnaires, through a series of questions answered by the subjects of the study, aim, above all, to define and understand what is happening rather than falling in love. The same can be said about neurological studies.
Compatibility tests, questionnaires and virtual simulations (as far as technology allows them to go) can give an idea and some minimum guarantee that two people will understand each other. Self-fulfilling prophecy can, among other things, lead to favorable conditions for falling in love: if we go on a date thinking it has a 99.8% chance of success, we will surely be vulnerable to . But predicting lasting love would be more complicated. How many love stories cannot be reconciled, not because of lack of compatibility, but because of life’s circumstances. As the popular expression says, man proposes and God disposes.
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