Dear Miss Manners: I have always had a very distant and formal relationship with my grandparents.
I visit him often, just out of a sense of family obligation. These meetings are serious matters with a strict focus on my manners and no attempt at emotional bonding.
When I was a senior in high school, my mother told me that my grandparents would pay for my undergraduate tuition. I thanked him personally the next time I saw him. I earned my bachelor’s degree, which opened the door to career success and financial stability that I had not experienced as a child.
As I’ve progressed into my 30s, I’ve noticed how student debt can take a serious mental and physical toll on my peers. I’ve realized how incredibly lucky I am to be debt free in adulthood. I have also become aware of how harsh austerity my grandparents practiced to save such a huge amount.
What should I do to properly thank him for this priceless gift, after almost 10 years? They are not openly sentimental, and I don’t want to offend them by discussing money.
How should I express the depth of my gratitude when I still have the opportunity?
Gentle Reader: write a letter Express what you said here (except for the harsh and distant part of them, and even about money itself): “I’m not sure I’ve ever paid my immense tribute to the priceless gift of my education. Thank you…”
And then Miss Manners recommends that you cite at least one fond memory of them from your childhood. Even if it was just the pungent smell of his cologne.
Dear Miss Manners: Before the pandemic, I applied for a promotion at my workplace. I was told the job was mine, and I just had to wait for the paperwork to be done.
Then the pandemic struck. My employer set up a hiring freeze, and the position disappeared. I’ve asked for updates several times since then, and was told there was no news.
Because I don’t know when the post will come again or not, I am applying for other jobs. I hope to receive an offer soon from the company I interviewed with. The job is better than my current position, but not as good as the promotion I should have got. I’m worried that if I accept this job, another situation may come into play.
Should there be a minimum amount of time to stay in a position before moving on to a better offer?
Gentle Reader: There is a miraculous way to put preaching into action as if someone is making a serious effort to move forward.
Ideally, you would work this out as a bargaining ploy with your current employer prior to your actual departure. But if that’s not possible, Miss Manners sees nothing wrong with using the tactic even on the new company – until the trend takes a ping-pong effect and continues indefinitely.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners on her website at www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or via postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMichael Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.