Friday, January 27, 2023

Psychology and health: what does not depend on us

A week ago we talked about all the situations and decisions that fall directly upon us, and how many times we try to avoid finding justification in others. But, as we said, there are also many cases in which others arise that do not depend on us And yes of others.

What others say and think about you. As the phrase says, “What others think of me is none of my business.” In reality, we have no control over what other people say and think about us. There are people with whom, without conflict and without doing anything that could upset them, we notice that they do not like us. Whether because of jealousy or anger, we feel like we are being left out or criticized.

This usually happens when someone gossips about another person; Most of the time, recipients believe it without question, even though they have no proof of what is being said. it is likely that you have ever seen yourself in a mess or conflict that has nothing to do with you, But in which in the end you see yourself getting involved. Because what they think and say about you is not up to you, it is out of your control. That is why it is so important that we work on our self-esteem and do not depend on the opinion of others. What will they say, what will they think… This is one of the pitfalls that limits us the most when it comes to being ourselves, finally being free.

How do others feel about me? This is seen above all in personal and emotional relationships. We are capable of feeling attracted to someone but that someone is not interested in us or doesn’t suit us. We have no power nor does it depend on us whether the person feels any attraction towards us. But not just in people we’ve just met and been attracted to; This also happens with couples who have been together for a long time, years, and now one of the two does not feel the same anymore and is no longer attracted to their partner. There is usually a lot of resistance to accepting something that really doesn’t depend on us at all.

This can be extrapolated to friendship. One of the parties wants to remain friends and no matter how much we try or want to fix it, we can’t do anything because no matter what someone decides with their life How much does it hurt us?

Relatives, uncles, brothers-in-law, brothers… One legacy broke so many relationships, For other conflicts, jealousy … and they no longer want to contact? They are within their rights, whether we like it or not.

what others do and how they behave. There is a huge effort in patients who come to the consultation to change another person in their environment: partner, child, friend … “My partner, what does he have to do … My daughter has to change .. .”. The desire to change the other is the colonization of another person who is not ours. If we need someone to change the way we act or to be different, then the problem is with us: if we need to be someone different in order to be happy. need to work from, then the problem is with us, because everyone is as they are.

Don’t grow old and don’t die. We can improve our healthy habits, for example, by doing some sport, eating healthy or avoiding the use of alcohol and tobacco, but this does not stop us from getting older, because it does not depend on us. Like dying Whether or not we believe in the idea that one has one’s own day, nothing stops us from dying. We are mortal beings; To die it is only necessary to be alive. The same, of course, the death of our loved ones.

That our past was different. Past cannot be changed, past is what it is. Also, we are who we are because of our past experiences and that is why we should not remember our past in such a negative way.

Choice is better than demands. Psychologist Ellis said that if a Martian came to Earth, he would be surprised to see how often intelligent people get very upset because they do not get what does not depend on them. For example, changing people, not considering changing things that depend on them, such as improving and accepting themselves.

What leads us to be happy is an attitude of preference, not of demand how things should be Things and situations are as they are and not as they should be, not as we wish them to be.

Of course “Accept the irreparable and improve the possible”. Learn to free yourself by replacing your demands with preferences. We like some of the things that happen to us, but when reality does not match our expectations, we can continue to be happy, because external circumstances that do not depend on us should not take away our happiness, Which is none other than the inner state.

Nation World News Desk
Nation World News Desk
Nation World News is the fastest emerging news website covering all the latest news, world’s top stories, science news entertainment sports cricket’s latest discoveries, new technology gadgets, politics news, and more.
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