What does the rupture of identity have to do with us? Many. Not on a pathological level, but on an existential level, that is, how we understand the world, face our problems and live our relationships. Perhaps, without any sense, the social life is reduced in the different countries in which we interact with similar people. In the 1970s, a study was conducted in the United States on the values used in decision-making by several companies, including an automobile company. The company executive considered the annual deaths from traffic accidents as an acceptable price for society and society, the nonnummy benefits that the automobile brings to the economy. But the same murder of a family object was considered an accidental destruction, for which nothing could compensate. However, the same executive, when claiming damages, could establish the sum received. In reality, we have three different people – an executive, a father and a litigator – living under the same skin in inseparable roles. The executive must depart from his father and leave the eventual litigator at the door of his office. The executive, for his part, could not hope to console his wife at the funeral of the deceased son, and the litigant must leave at home the scruples of financial struggle in court. of one to many. That is, people with multiple stories in which they act simultaneously and in which they act in different roles: family, friends, work, hobbies, etc. Sometimes we wish our lives were less complicated, more unified, where we don’t have many lives to live in one, like those matrioshkas that hide one inside the other. Until that or how. Living in society means accepting some functions and assuming others. not to choose someone -to be a son, father, brother-, others to do -to be a doctor, teacher or police officer-. They all shape our personality and help define our identity: who we are and how we should act. There are those who don’t want to be heard and understand how all these stories and functions in the restrictions of their freedom. But it is not a “pure identity”. All these stories have added something to our identity. If they disappeared, we wouldn’t know who we are. During my stay in the United States, I was struck by the education of women. They are taught from a young age that they should be independent, not depend on men to do everything well, and always be available to everyone, if possible with a smile… something really tired. The aim is to become perfect wives, to be loving and available; perfect mothers too, family members of children and hyperprotective; caring women with movie houses and, like in the village of cakes, the most successful executives in their company leading teams and generating astronomical income. I would not be exaggerating if I said that seven out of ten women who spoke with me admitted to feeling overwhelmed and miserable. . The problem was that each story lived separately from the others and in eternal conflict. The experts felt bad about not spending more time with their children; that mothers in labor are not able to reach higher; that spouses may have children and judgments competing with their husbands; as women felt that their home was never good enough, or clean enough, or clean enough. in short, not happy, because it is impossible to be so. We will make four different happy: how can we not go crazy? Is there some way to maintain some kind of unity or at least order among all these stories that are our lives? It is not easy, but it is possible and worth everyone in the family. It is called ‘Prioritization’ and it is put first that should be first. Let’s start with a principle that has already been stated: identity is based on personal relationships. Since not all relationships are equally important, identity depends more on the most relevant personal relationships: marriage, fatherhood-motherhood, friendship and profession in that order. There are some objectives that have been given to us and we cannot reject them, as children or parents, others subjective, because we choose them, but we can leave them at some point: each relationship or story carries with it what we call ourselves. “limits” are to be observed. so that the relationship is not damaged and they are able to live fully. The unity of life, order or balance, whatever we want to call it, depends on prioritizing certain relationships and their limits, which is very important in our psychology and our spirit: that which is most clear about who we are. in the first place: spouses and fathers or mothers. Everything else must be combined with the values and criteria derived from this double condition. A friend and a professional we aspire to be directed by the husband and father we are now. This gives unity and order to life. A friendship, a job or a hobby where I can’t be a husband and father will stop breaking me. “What a narrow and primitive vision this man has here,” some reader will understand at this point. I insist, identity is not something only an individual that I tend to do from the heart. It has something social and cultural that my environment and tradition offers me. Finally, we can learn something from dissociative identity disorder. Although there are 23 personalities in Kevin, there are only one or two who call the shots and decide when the rest of the person comes to prejudice, we live in a divided society. Everyone needs to accept the spaces of our stories because it is not going to be observed. It is possible to reconcile them in conflict (inclined to family-worker reconciliation). We cannot wait for others to order our lives. It is up to us to understand who we are in light of our relationships or histories. It is good to understand that our identity is based more on who we are than on what we do or have. And we are children, mothers, husbands and friends before assistants or members of the municipal council. Happiness is in order, and it consists in putting ourselves first. Then, finally, we can tackle other stories.
James of Cendra
