Heal your past, transform your relationship patterns and be you again, this is what Sheleana Aiyana, spiritual mentor, relationship facilitator and founder of the Rising Woman Community, and author of Your Soulmate, tells us.
In this wonderful book, Sheleana Aiyana provides us with a detailed map to the patterns of our relationship, once and for all the cycle of self-abandonment to which we submit and instead move forward on the path of self-discovery and light.
Are you unable to make connections? Do you feel that any of the previous words have been returned? Because this spiritual mentor says, “much of the chaos and pain we feel in relationships stems from the raw history of our past pain.”
Without spoiling the book, we will tell you about its most valuable ideas and the advice that Sheleana gives us to learn to build a loving and secure relationship with ourselves, to connect with our inner child, to question our beliefs about love, to establish healthy ones. the boundaries of finding and celebrating our authentic desires, and recognizing our red and green flags in relationships.
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an average romance story
As Sheleana Aiyana says, “many of us had grown up around the fairy tale romance.” According to this spiritual mentor, we are taught that we must achieve an impossible “perfection” in order to choose, somewhere, that there is a magical person out there who can steal our hearts and rescue us. “And in the meantime, they teach us the strategies of writing messages and small games with which we approach the characters and which tell us what we are doing and what we are doing to be more attractive”, he insists.
In a way, as Aiyana says, “we end up abandoning ourselves, loving ourselves, neglecting our needs and conforming to what others expect from us.” All this, as this mentor points out, is that we forget ourselves in order to find and respect love.
However, as Sheleana Aiyana says, “healthy love does not require you to give up on yourself or give up who you are. It doesn’t require you to change your personality or hide your mistakes. On the other hand, it requires that you know yourself deeply, because the truth is that the relationship of consciousness does not begin when it meets another. It begins the moment of deepening the relationship you have with yourself.
The main theme of this book is choose yourself. It reminds you to take back your power and that love can take many forms. “Maintaining a healthy relationship with yourself is what fosters the other loves you hope to have in life, whether it’s deep friendships, strong family relationships, love at work, or romantic love,” says Aiyana. “The most important thing is to feel ourselves at home, whatever life brings, and to feel the right to be happy and powerful, whether we have a partner or not,” she adds.
It is important to heal your relationship patterns
Do you always choose the same type of people who hurt you over and over again? As Sheleana Aiyana says in her book, “we have a lot in common to find ourselves again and again in situations of emotions that are familiar to us, but at the same time we cannot recognize that we do not follow the pattern”. This is why, according to this expert, we are almost never taught to transfer the wounds to adult relationships inflicted on us in childhood, or very often the problems we face in relationships arise from an unconscious attempt to heal wounds. the past
“Although the facts of each relationship may be very different, it is important to pay attention to the core emotions that we bring to each relationship,” says Aiyana. As he explains, “core emotional themes are negative beliefs or stories that follow us wherever we go.” For example, he says, “The end of my first marriage echoes something very familiar to me from childhood. My central themes are abandonment and betrayal, with the argument that I should do everything alone, be the guardian and carry all the responsibility on my back.
Throughout the book you will learn to discover and gradually transform the forms of your relationship. “When you connect with those memories, flow into your body and approach whatever arises in each moment with curiosity and compassion. This process is neither easy nor comfortable, but it is a path that will lead you to embrace your truth and liberate yourself,” says Aiyana.
As this couples facilitator reminds us, the most important relationship to cherish is the one you have with yourself. “As much as we do everything we can to maintain a relationship, even the relationships that we think will last can always end. Don’t let this scare you. What happens is that we don’t know when time will run out and in the end the only relationship we can afford to maintain is from the time we were born until we die what is with us We protect ourselves.” That is why it is so important that we learn to treat ourselves well.
Instead of being placed on the outside, in her book, Sheleana Aiyana states that we should spend our effort developing a relationship with ourselves and realizing that the love we seek does not just exist outside of us. “Connecting with your personal destiny will allow you to lay the foundation you need to create the life and relationships you want, and thus experience the quality of connection you desire to be within you.” In order to heal those relationship patterns that we repeat over and over again, we have to strengthen the relationship that we hold with ourselves.
The importance of boundaries in relationships
Is it difficult for you in your relationships, whether as a couple, or as a family, in friendship? As Sheleana says, “borders are like dances. If we establish them rigidly and as a form of protection, they can become walls that separate us from the same connection that we have had for so long.” But, what follows, “if we don’t send one place, we quickly drown in resentment because our needs are not a priority.”
As the author explains in his book, “dance is about learning to set and observe limits in ways that bring us closer to what we want instead of using them as a defensive tool.” According to Aiyana, sharing our needs helps others to love us better: “boundaries help us stay connected to others, while maintaining our individuality,” she emphasizes.
Is there a toxic person in your environment? Is it your partner? There are also, as Shelena says, times when we need to set firm boundaries with people who consume us and cross the boundaries over and over again. “These goals will be different, because their purpose is to create a healthy space,” he emphasizes.
Aspirations and empowering relationships
Do you feel your partner is enriching you or making you feel small? In Sheleana Aiyana’s book, we begin with a very interesting chapter dedicated to the relationship system. “Many of us tend to fall into relationships by accident, without the intention and willingness to learn more about ourselves,” says the author of You Soul Mate.
“Refining what the word ‘relationship’ means to you will allow you to lay the foundations of your map of love”, emphasizes Sheleana, who at the end of the book proposes to achieve this with a ritual. “We need to know the difference between an aspirational relationship (conventional and not growth oriented) and an enabling relationship (awareness and growth oriented).
In many ways, as Aiyana says, relationships are empty spaces for compensating for emotions like loneliness or discomfort, and for satisfying the desire for something we lack.” While empowering or conscious relationships “are their own entity,” they nurture the spirit to a degree that conventional relationships can never match.” According to this expert, empty relationships direct all our energy to constantly searching for ways to satisfy our need for healing and love, and lead us from one yoke to the next in search of that “soul mate” that solves all our problems. remove the pain
However, as Aiyana emphasizes, “by taking control of the relationship, the couple becomes a source of reciprocal energy that feeds our purpose and allows us to be at the service of the world and our community.” According to this oracle, “giving relationships helps us grow emotionally and spiritually, which is not always easy.” “They require us to go beyond the abyss of our consciousness and let go of old ideas about how relationships “should” add up.
Undoubtedly a valuable book that helps you get back the parts of yourself that you may have lost or disconnected from. It will help you do inner work that will allow you to heal your heart and bond with it more deeply, and find what is most important to you (your values, what you want from relationships, dreams, etc.). so that he can choose love from a level of consciousness and self-confidence.